Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Remembering good old Soviet jokes...

-Do you think it will be possible to control the population growth under the communist regime?
-It's unlikely, because the means of production will continue to be privately owned.

-Why communists cannot accept the Bible?
-Because according to Bible, initially the world was in the state of chaos, and then it was organized according to God's plan. The communist experience shows that initially there was a plan, and then the chaos took over.

-Do you what is the main advantage of the communist system?
-The communist system is capable of solving the most complicated problems which don't exist in other systems.

Before the 1980 Moscow Olympic games, the clerks were instructed to avoid telling the customers that their stores did not carry the goods.
A woman enters the store and starts talking to a clerk:
- Do you have gloves?
- Which kind? Leather? Woolen? Suede?
- Woolen, please.
- Light? Dark?
- Dark.
- Long? Short?
- Short if it is possible.
- You know what, bring us your coat, it would be easier to us to pick the gloves if we could see the coat.
- Do not trust them! -another buyer interrupts the conversation- I have brought them the toilet bowl, I have shown them my ass - and they still won't sell me the toilet-paper.

And last but not least - the joke that can used for Obama-America.
-Do you think we already live under communism, or things will still get worse?

And the very-very last couple of jokes I will reproduce in its original language, because they cannot be possibly translated. The Russians are welcome to laugh at it.

Серебристый лайнер ТУ
развалился на лету,
эта фирма еще ту
выпускает ху...у.

Говорит рязанское радио. Поступили заявки радиослушателей. Сторож совхоза имени тридцатилетия советской медицины Иван Пахомович Пупков просит передать "Интродукцию и рондо каприччиозо" Сен-Санса, "Лярго" Генделя и "Шествие на казнь" из "Фантастической сюиты" Берлиоза. Пахомыч, не пизди!


Кадет Биглер said...

Правдивая история

Середина 80-х. Кафедра мат. анализа Харьковского госуниверситета. Диалог между профессором Кацнельсоном и моим братом:

- Дима, знаете какая разница между капиталистической системой и социалистической?
- Какая?
- В капиталистической системе человек человеку - волк, а социалистической - товарищ волк.

Chris said...

Дима, знаете какая разница между капиталистической системой и социалистической? Bwaaaaahahahahaha

graf10a said...

Question: What is going to happen if Soviets decide to build communism in a desert?

Answer: During the first few days -- nothing. But after that they will start experiencing a shortage of sand.

Question: why is it so difficult to buy meat in Soviet's grocery shops?

Answer: we are going to communism so fast that livestock simply cannot keep pace with us.

After the death of Chernenko, who was the General Secretary of the Soviet Communist Party right before Gorbachev, Kremlin communists receive a phone call:

-- I was wondering if you are looking for a new General Secretary? I would like to be considered for this position.

-- Are you a sick crazy idiot?!.

-- Yes, exactly! I am sick, crazy, idiot, and very old...

Adobe Walls said...

Excellent work!